I've been thinking of my Mom today. For the last few weeks actually. Each time we welcome a new baby, the missing starts all over again. She passed away when I was seven months along with Sarah, my first. Little snippets of memory sneak up on me and I wish... I just wish it could have happened differently. That she could be here to rock my babies and drive me crazy like only she could.
I remembered something last night. A time when I came home for a weekend visit from college. She'd been fighting cancer for a couple of years already and her health was poor. The house was a mess. A dusty, cluttery mess. I found her out in her garden rocking her grandbaby in a swing. And I was bothered by the house. By the mess. Why couldn't she just pick up a little before spending time doing something else? Childish thoughts coming from a twenty something child. She was singing nursery songs and bouncing her baby up and down. The afternoon light was just right and they looked so
peaceful and
happy.
I held my newborn son tonight and breathed in his lovely baby smell. I kissed his perfect mouth and felt a Love so strong it actually
hurt. I thought of you, Mom. As I surveyed my messy house I laughed at the lesson it took me ten years to learn. Babies don't keep. I know that now. Thanks for your example Mom. I love you and miss you so much tonight.
This is the face he gives me now. 
Aww... come on honey! Just smile for me! Not even a little one?
Okay. Fine then.. I'll move on to my next victim.. ahem, I mean model. He can't run away.
Hello Angel Baby. Oh.. did I wake you? Don't mind me. I just want to take your picture.
Oh come on! Six weeks old and he gives me the hand. This kid is just like his brother!
I remembered something last night. A time when I came home for a weekend visit from college. She'd been fighting cancer for a couple of years already and her health was poor. The house was a mess. A dusty, cluttery mess. I found her out in her garden rocking her grandbaby in a swing. And I was bothered by the house. By the mess. Why couldn't she just pick up a little before spending time doing something else? Childish thoughts coming from a twenty something child. She was singing nursery songs and bouncing her baby up and down. The afternoon light was just right and they looked so peaceful and happy.
I held my newborn son tonight and breathed in his lovely baby smell. I kissed his perfect mouth and felt a Love so strong it actually hurt. I thought of you, Mom. As I surveyed my messy house I laughed at the lesson it took me ten years to learn. Babies don't keep. I know that now. Thanks for your example Mom. I love you and miss you so much tonight.
When I get bogged down in the day-to-day of raising five children, I try to remember this poem. I want to have eyes that see...