Wednesday, August 4, 2010


I woke up this morning and did the following:

changed the baby, fed the baby, bathed the baby
thought about reading my scriptures
broke up a fight instead
fed the rest of the kids
cleaned up the mess
dressed everybody
put two kids in time out
"encouraged" everybody to do their chores
three hundred times over
lost my temper
thought about exercising
folded laundry instead
fed myself
didn't dress myself or take a shower
sat down to work on a project
just in time for the baby to wake up
changed the baby, fed the baby....

And I thought about something Oliver Wendell Holmes said: "Many people die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out."

I wonder about this as I see my sketch pad lying empty. And then think to myself.. right now my music is raising my children. I'm not "getting ready to live" as Mr. Holmes said, because I'm too busy in the middle of it!

And I hunger for free time like a starving woman sometimes.. but in the end they need me. Always urgently and always now. So I give.. and another wall in my heart breaks down. And I'm one step closer to my Savior. I suppose this is called "giving yourself to God". And it's what I want. It's just so much harder than I ever thought it would be!